Still

The mirthful, carefree child and slender young girl
I once was,

still is

She lives within me now,

beneath the layers of flesh and bone and life.

The child no longer frolics,

still dreams

Years of sorrowful wisdom entrenched the heart 

with each emerging love and devastating loss,
optimistically embraced in naiveté,
jumped in nonetheless
still loves                                                                                                                                                                               
The child that took carefully collected flowers
then proudly offered up, desperate for Mommy's approval

told to, "Get those weeds out of the house!"

is overjoyed with wildflowers offered by her own children
still appreciates 

The daughter abandoned and rejected by her fathers-four,
at ages 1, 11, 15, and  29, broken

Is there something wrong with me or all of those he’s?

Still crushed 

   
The sister who at 11, was forced apart
from her two-year-old brother and six-year-old sister

mourns the moments we'll never capture,
reflects on an almost empty time capsule

still aches

                                                                 
The granddaughter who brought joy to her grandparents,
got more than she gave in their ways of family gatherings,
gumption, sapience, astuteness, traditions, and their love

still wishes    
she’d listened more, stayed longer, arrived earlier

The outgoing, talkative friend, always up for fun and adventure,
listens, celebrates your triumphs, a non-judgmental shoulder 
with empathy to spare, will laugh, cry, and sing with you, any time

still loyal     

                                                  

The untrained mother who loves her sons with a depth and breadth
of immensity beyond anything she could imagine,                  
worries what, if any phobias she imparted,
or if she made them ready enough for the world

wonders if they'll ever realize that their lives saved hers                  

still tries

The woman who couldn’t trust or dare not believe in a man’s love,
fell in love with a patient one

Her demons of abandonment heaped upon his shoulders 

still fears

Even though she knows she is loved in a marriage
endured over 25 years of joy and frustration, of promises made,
betrayed, the downs, and ups of grinding struggles, passionately bound 

still his

The writer who fails to effectively articulate overwhelming feelings

that cascade upon her

begin to engulf her, threaten to drown her soul
Her carefree spirit

still rises

The mirthful, carefree child and slender young girl I once was

still is

She lives within me now,
beneath the layers of flesh and bone and life

~Deb Galarza

This draft 2018/10/25